Things

It's crazy how sometimes things hit me out of nowhere and make me feel sad. It takes a few minutes for me to recover and change my thoughts to make myself feel better. I start to want to protect myself more and hide away from all the things that I don't like.

In other news, I'm reading this:


I feel pretty alone in this area of my life.

I've also been catching up on Lost Episodes. I'm on season 3. That's the extent of new things in my life.

V-Day 09

Valentine's Day is not my enemy. My plans for the day were to work on homework, watch a movie by myself while eating chocolate, and not get too depressed.

I thought since basically everyone I know is in a relationship, that the last plan on the list would be hard to avoid, but it wasn't. Chad (my roommate) and I went to La Siesta. Yummy food and a margarita made me feel pretty good. We came back and played scrabble and watched some Lost. I got some love from my friends and gave some love, too. So what if it's just through text messages. That's how love is transmitted these days.

So the last thing on my list ended up being the only thing I accomplished. I tried to encourage a friend who was feeling down, did some yoga that made me feel good, and spent some quality time with my roomie. So Valentine's Day was just another Saturday for me. If it was more than that for you, then I hope you had a great time.

God is completely good.

I'm starting to get disgusted with the dumb, trivial things that monopolize my thoughts. I guess it's good that I'm finally noticing this and not liking it. I've been dealing with jealousy a lot lately, and doubting myself, and worrying about things that don't mean anything. I like to complain about how bad my life is when it's not that bad and so many other people have it way worse than I do. I know that God wants me to trust him and rise above these things that bother me. I get a sermon of the week podcast from ibethel.org. I definitely recommend it. I've also been reading My Utmost For His Highest. I've already been through the entire thing at least once. It always tells me something that puts my perspective back where it should be.

School is going to be tough this semester. I'm definitely being stretched. I know that's good for me, and I know I'd start to hate just sitting around while my brain wasted away. I'm trying to be thankful for where I am and what I'm doing.

Lately I've felt like any day can bring something that changes everything.

Spring 09

I wonder how much longer I'll think of my life in semesters. I started this one on Thursday. I had to work from 8 to 4:30 and then had class 6 to 9. It was a hard day. Nothing ever stays the same. Rachel moved to Texas, I'm now working for someone whose first day was Thursday, and I'm finding that I don't have many people I can depend on around here. I decided to stay for the long weekend. Both of my roommates went home. Jami and I went to a potluck for homeless people Friday night, and that was interesting and fun. Yesterday I spent pretty much the whole day by myself. I had not done this in a very long time. I cleaned my room, finished the Twilight Saga (loved it), and spent a lot of time just thinking. I slept in today. The only thing on the agenda for today is grocery shopping and maybe laundry. This semester will not be easy. This time in my life is not easy. But no one ever told me I would have it easy.

January 2009

I read through my old posts and realized I have some things to update. I finally finished reading the Harry Potter series. I thought it was good, but not something I would have regretted missing if I hadn't read it. I read it because so many of my friends talked about it so much and how good it was. I didn't like it as much as they all seem to. I didn't want to give in, but I did, and now I'm reading Twilight. I am enjoying it more than I should. I have a lot of trouble making myself put it down. It's way more my thing than Harry Potter is.

It's getting to the part of the break where I get sad, because I have nothing to do but sit at home (and read Twilight). I'm ready to get back to Murfreesboro and start work and classes again so I won't have so much time to sit around and feel sorry for myself.

I got this for Christmas:
The other night I made ratatouille and apple crumble. It was really fun. The most exciting thing about this present is that it was a surprise. It was wrapped and under the tree when I mentioned to my mom and sister that I wanted it. I had no idea they had gotten it for me already. I also bought a Wii yesterday with my Christmas money. I had to track one with itrackr.com because I couldn't find them anywhere, but I finally did.

good monday?

I thought that was an oxymoron.. guess I was wrong. I actually had a good day today. It's the little things. I got a phone call from a friend I hadn't talked to in a while, I actually learned something in my class, I was semi productive at work, I figured out what classes I'm taking in the spring, and I also found out that I could possible graduate a semester earlier than planned.

That last good little thing on the list got me to thinking about the future and what it may hold. That would mean I could find a job, hopefully a well paying one, and be done with school forever. I'm pretty sure I don't need a Ph.D.

I went to church Saturday night. Saturday night services are good for me, because waking up early on Sunday morning is something I never do. It kind of gave me a new perspective on things and reminded me that I need to treat my job and my school work like it's actually important. That wasn't what the sermon was about. It was just a side note.

It is time for midterms, and I'm not too excited about it. I don't want to spend my fall break studying. It should pay off one day, though.

Yay for October.

October is my favorite month. It's the middle of the semester. I'm very stressed out about school and work. It doesn't really make much sense, because I have plenty of time to get all of my work done, and I definitely have the abilities to do well. The thing is.. I have a self-confidence problem. I just have this idea in my head that I can't do the things, that logically, I know I can do. This doesn't just apply to school or work but to most areas of my life.

I went home this past weekend. My mom had a box of books in the living room floor that she was going to give away. Of course I had to look through them all and make sure I didn't want them. I found this book: "The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence." I need to know these secrets. I'm sure it will be a lot of stuff I've heard before, but it's always good to be reminded.

I'm also about to start reading "Jesus wants to Save Christians" by Rob Bell. We are going to have a little book club... kind of exciting.

I really want to make some big changes in the way I live my life. I have to take it a day at a time though.. and today I feel like I have every other day of my life. I just want to sit here and dream that I'm someone else, somewhere else. That doesn't get me much, though. I need to get some homework done, and I kind of want to paint a picture. I need to make my room look like a place someone would want to be and sleep. Right now it looks like a place where people pile up stuff that doesn't matter to them.

So I think I'm going to start painting since it seems like the most fun out of those options.