As soon as someone does something that upsets me, I start considering what I could post on facebook/twitter that will point out their flaws and make them feel guilty. It's usually something sarcastic, because for some reason, I feel like it doesn't reflect badly on my character as long sarcasm and humor are involved. I mostly always convince myself not to do it. Then I start thinking that a blog might be better. Maybe others will identify with my frustrations and I'll feel better about myself and they will feel worse. In reality, they probably wouldn't feel guilty even if they knew it was about them. They would probably just get angry and what does that solve?

When I think about it, the sarcastic comments people post are just letting their insecurities show. Yeah I may initially find their comment clever/funny, but it takes a lot bigger of a person to actually just talk to the person who is bothering them rather than trying to get the internet on their side.

It's just so difficult to actually confront someone with what is bothering me. In the past when I've confronted someone, they have responded by letting me know the things I do that bother them. I like to think that I do no wrong, and I don't like my illusions to be shattered. Quite the dilemma.

facebook ruins my life

The chat feature was not working right on my Facebook until an hour ago. I don't know when it stopped working, but it definitely did not work any in January. Before it stopped working, I communicated through chat pretty regularly so it is really funny that i didn't notice it wasn't working until tonight, but it was kind of sneaky. I could see everyone who was online, but when I clicked on someone to talk to them, it said they were offline. I thought it was just coincidence that when I decided to message someone, they immediately went offline. It wasn't until tonight that I decided there must be a problem. I clicked on everyone who was online, and they all had apparently gone offline as soon as I clicked on them. I googled my issue, and it turned out that others had the same problem and that another part of it was that other people couldn't see that they were online.

It did affect my life. I've been living at home since graduation and don't see much of anyone besides my family. This made me want to talk to my friends who don't live here even more (I don't like talking on the phone very much). I found myself making comments like: "I haven't talked to anyone in days" and "I feel so disconnected from the world." At one point I got a text asking if I was alive. I was thinking: "Of course I am, but why do you go offline every time I try to talk to you."

I also wondered why no one ever initiated conversation with me. I would see people online that I hadn't talked to in a while, and I hoped they were curious about what I had been up to, but no messages ever popped up. I also wondered if the people I had repeatedly tried to talk to were just signing out as soon as I tried to talk to them, because they hated me for some unknown reason.

It might even explain why I had a long conversation with a guy on a free dating site who was looking for a girl to join him and his wife in fun night time activities. I mean, I needed to instant message with somebody.

The effects of this mistake may have gone even deeper. I wonder if now that I've fixed the problem, my life will take off in a positive direction. I'll let you know.

The conversation that happened as a result of my dad answering my mom's cell phone:

Dad: "Hey."

Me: "Hey, where's mom?"

Dad: "She's in the shower."

Me: "Oh, I just wanted to talk to her."

Dad: "I don't want to get the phone wet."

Me: "I can wait until she gets out of the shower."

Dad: "I'll tell her. Bye."

Me: "Bye."

I'm reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell for a class. It is really interesting so far. It makes me see success differently.

Today is my day to work on the things I've been putting off. I'm not excited about it. My brain always goes off in several different directions, because I have so many things that I want or need to do. It's hard to just focus on one thing and get it done.

I'm excited about every weekend of this month. This coming weekend I'm doing fun things (miller's, movie, pumpkin patch, corn maze) with Katie, Barbara, and Shelly. The weekend after that is my fall break. I'm definitely looking forward to some extra days of rest. The next weekend is Bethel's homecoming. I want to see the choir and all the people I miss. Finally, the next weekend after that is Halloween. We are planning on having a party at the apartment. We'll see how that goes.

BLOG

I applied for a job yesterday. I got so stressed out and nervous just applying. It's really freaking me out. It would be so nice to have a real job and not have to worry so much about my finances. I'm praying that I get the right job and meet the right people. I want to learn and grow and use what I've already learned. I want to work with people who inspire and motivate me.

Woohoo!

Tomorrow is payday, and it's really pretty outside. I got some awesome groceries at Kroger, but the organic section sure is pricey. This semester is going by too fast, and I'm afraid of what's on the other side. Oh well. At least I won't have to go to classes anymore. I really have so much to do that it's overwhelming, so I don't do anything. I'm about to work out, take a shower, and maybe read a book outside. :)

The break is over.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I think I'm getting ready for the hardest time of my life. I think it starts Monday. 

I'm finishing my three week break from school. It wasn't too bad. I got a little better at piano, had a fun weekend with my sister in Murfreesboro, got a mac and a new ipod, visited two of my best friends in Memphis, and spent the rest of the time doing nothing.

Now it's time to start my last semester of college and graduate with a Masters degree. Never thought that would happen. I'm 23 now. I think this is my year. I think it will be really difficult and really great all at the same time. I'm excited about Katie coming to Nashville. Fun times HAVE to be had with Katie so close by. 

True Blood is my new favorite show, and Eric is Meekus! That's like... the greatest thing ever!